Ah Scotland. Or is it Ireland? Which one do we own? I can never remember.
No gentleman capitalist should be without his quizzing glass. Just be careful not to let it fall out at some shocking occurrence, such as the revolt of the working class. Blast, don’t they know this wage slavery stuff is for their own good? They can break up our monopolies, but dammit, they’ll never take away our exclusionary fashion norms!
Originally a morale-boosting propaganda poster created by the British government during WWII, the dignified, long-suffering slogan appearing beneath the imperial crown has become a rallying cry across the globe for those of us who still carry the white man’s burden, with only gourmet cupcakes to soothe our weary souls.
Earl Grey Tea
Charles Grey, 2nd Earl of Grey, was Prime Minister of Great Britain 1830-1836. A beloved origin story claims that one of Grey’s men saved the son of a Chinese bureaucrat from drowning, and the grateful father gave the Earl the special blend as a token of his gratitude. A little known detail is that the rescuer demanded the child himself as payment for his good deed, claiming that all his friends had adopted Chinese babies, and he really wanted to fit in. This event is said to have originated the common Chinese proverb, “Do not trust the white man, for he will steal your child with one hand and start an imperialist opium war with the other.”
The Raleigh Bar, spotted in Portland, Oregon. Raleigh is known for founding the Lost Colony of Roanoke Island. While it is widely believed that the colonists assimilated with a local tribe, an alternative theory holds that they sojourned 3,000 miles to the opposite coast, founding another colony in the lush Willamette Valley, where they welcomed newcomers to their white man’s paradise with coffee, tobacco, and pecan nougat bacon caramel bars.
Stomp out the traditional culture while avoiding a pesky sunburn. Blast those natives and their infernal melanin!
Are you nostalgic for the days when the sun never set on the British Empire? Indulge your inner colonialist with this globe, which depicts all of Her Magesty’s stolen lands in one color.